During Covid, I was invited to write and perform a custom song for a wedding reception in Colorado Springs. Ginuwine’s song “Pony” had some special significance for the couple, so I used the tune for my parody. I’ve written some hilarious parody songs in my twenty plus year singing telegram career, but “Matrimony” is easily some of my finest work. Treat yourself to the final lyrics below.
Sam was just a bachelor
Swiping for a Tinder date
One who could dance on tables
Without even falling off
Lauren was compatible
They went to the Lakefront
Fast forward to Breckenridge
This was the proposition Sam popped:
You're single, let's do it, try it, matrimony
My finger is waiting, come put a ring on it
Nursing's Lauren's day job
Sam, he is an engineer
Super Smash Brothers, he plays
Meanwhile, Lauren's grooming Sage
Lor, she had a goth phase
Way back in the eighth grade
Sam programs irrigation times
Tomatoes growing on the vine
Soon they're gonna get sandy, baby
First they'll show and tell
Then he'll reach for his cocktail
Lurk all over and through her baby
Until they reach the beach
Playing Doctor, Lauren's 'Teach'
Photo: G&H Photography